Mental Abortions

[Pikachu]

MENtal Abortions. For all bad/silly/offensive ideas related to Hero System, Pokemon, and Mechwarrior.

Basic Examples:

Hero System - Dhalsim: Yoga Fire (Energy Blast), Drill (Compound Power /w flight, gliding, move-by attack), Yoga Teleport (self-explanatory), stretching.

Pokemon - Choice Band Quirky Lotad (Swift Swim) /w: Double Team, Synthesis, Growl, Flash

Mechwarrior - Annihilator: Max Engine, Armor, Heat Sinks, 4 small lasers. I'd put an Urbanmech here, but they've been vastly improved.

Random mental abortions: xkcd.com/c253.html

[Pikachu]

Since you people spend all your brain power on good ideas, I'm gonna have to keep the abortions going. Wow, that sounded bad.

Here's a few of Chow Yun Fat's skills/powers:

Acting 26-; conditional power does not work in Extremely Common Situations (Can only outact Alec Baldwin).

Interrogation 18-; OAF: Script (-1)

Bad Acting: Darkness to Sight, Mental, and Hearing groups 1" radius

Chow Yun Fat's Film Mutilator: Suppress PRE 74 1/2d6, any Acting power one at a time (+1/4), Does Knockback (+1/4), Sticky (+1/2), Reduced End (0 End; +1/2), AOE Nonselective (168" Radius +3/4), Continuous (+1), NND ([Standard]; +1), (1958 Active Points), Window of Opportunity (once per year, window remains open for one season; While filming; -3 1/4), Gradual Effect (1 Hour; -1 1/4), OAF (Script; -1), Gestures, Requires Gestures throughout (Complex; -1), Incantations (Requires Incantations throughout; Complex; -1), Only When Serving the God's Purposes (any crazy director; -1/2)

[Duragar]

Well, not necessarily a mental abortion, it certainly wastes a good deal of time better spent preparing the game.

www.handdrawngames.com/DesktopTD/game.asp

this is a flash remake of the classic Tower Defense game from Warcraft III. This game does its predecessor justice, and provides literally HOURS of time wasting entertainment. Curse Scott for introducing this game to us.

[Duragar]

While I'm thinking about it...

www.machall.com/view.php?date=2006-08-28

THIS is a truly thought out mental abortion.

[Pikachu]

Not quite an abortion, but I relate to this a LOT.

xkcd.com/290/

[feedback]

Not an abortion but given Dyuman's recent obsession with tossing dwarves I thought it was funny.

www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20070713

[dyuman]

Need help with a power concept for shin -

Basically want a power conversion from my str to dex for only 3 or so phases. I know it would be depreciated stat values compared to str but any rate -

It would basically transform 90% of my str into dex for a few turns and be used to go crazy on sweep maneuvers. Maybe a side effect of left with base stats at the end of it and all other buffs on cooldown for a few.

Anyrate the buff's use is for a sudden burst in sheer dex and maybe spd, resulting in Shin basically charging out and doing a sweep move through on multiple guys, his punches wont pack too much punch but will basically take care of many small guys quickly, with limited bang for the hit itself.

Thinking Dex buffing instead of autofire for versatility.

Don't have my comp with hero sys to try to make it on my own.

[feedback]

Not really a mental abortion if your being serious Dyuman. Anyways, I'll start another thread with an answer for you.

[dyuman]

my monitor is being delivered as we speak! woot!

[Duragar]

Because it is awesome...

I have been poking around at various movement powers, trying to take advantage of velocity based DCV. So far, with an 85 Active Point Cap, the maximum DCV bonus I can earn is 9 with flight:

Flight 2", x128 Noncombat, No Turn Mode (+1/4), Noncombat acceleration/decceleration (+1) (76 Active Points)

or alternatively... I can get 11 DCV with Running, which limits the character to two dimensions, but is still amusing.

Running 2", x256 Noncombat, Noncombat acceleration/decceleration (+1) (78 Active Points)

So, with when moving at non-combat speeds, you are set to OCV 0 and 1/2 DCV (and 0 OECV and 1/2 DECV, where applicable). So, moving at full tilt, a guy with, say 8 OCV and DCV would be at 0 OCV, but 15 DCV.

*Imagines the doppler effect on the retard scream as he runs around in circles at the speed of supertard*

[Duragar]

Er.... slight error in my post above... make that 80 point cap instead of 85. Dunno how I slipped that up...

[dyuman]

You could also make a compound attack that increases an attacks ocv by 4 (and only that attack) and hits the hex of the person you're attacking as you go deedee dee

[Duragar]

Or.... I could be a real asshat, ignore the boundary between legitimate silly and fucking munchkin, and simply make the movement power megascale.
There's a reason why there's a STOP sign next to it. XD

[Pikachu]

So I had this epiphany about Pokemon and what it is subtly teaching children, as well as the metaphor it is for life.

All Pokemon are born with an Individual Value (IV) for each stat, ranging from 0-31. If a stat has an IV of 0, that stat will be low. If it has an IV of 31, it will be high. Not all Pokemon are, therefore, born equal. Some Pokemon are just born useless, and those are the ones you just release back into the wild (read: Abort).

Of course, a given Pokemon does not need an IV of 31 in all stats to succeed. A Jolteon, for example, can be a huge threat with high IV's in Speed, Special Attack, and HP. Defense and Special Defense? Well, if it's high, great! It can come in handy on occasion, but it's not necessary. It can get by with a 0 IV in Attack. A Jolteon is like an Asian. An Asian needs IV's only in certain stats, like intelligence, college degrees, and kung fu. An Asian can have low IV's in the areas of vision (squinty eyes) and driving (John Woo helps us drive anyway), yet still succeed in life. Pokemon are built to not need high IV's in all stats... just certain ones. Pokemon with high IV's in all stats are probably cheating. Just like overachievers. They're probably cheating.

Then there are EV's, which measures the growth of a Pokemon in a certain aspect. For instance, fighting a Gastly gains EV's in Special Attack, where fighting a Geodude raises EV's in Defense. More EV's contribute higher values in the respective stat.

Now, raising a Jolteon, or an Asian, tends to favor EV's in, say, law, medicine, the assortment of engineering branches, and business. Here, Pokemon is teaching that certain races are just better off putting their efforts in certain sectors. For instance, you don't see a chink putting his EV's into flipping burgers. You could, but chances are, you're not as successful as the standard builds.

Next, Pokemon gives us other even less PC examples. I'll use a Bastiodon as an example. A Bastiodon has one of the highest Defense stats in the game. It is built to take immense hits. However, its type is flawed because it is Steel, which is weak to Ground. Therefore, this Pokemon is built to take abuse, but not from the type that is prevalent and most threatening in the current Pokemon metagame. No matter its Defense, a strong and popular Ground type like Garchomp will tear through the Bastiodon's defenses.

This is Nintendo's social commentary on Mexicans. They have lots of great qualities, but all in the wrong places for the wrong time. It doesn't matter how much effort (remember EV's?) it puts into its good qualities, like house cleaning, cooking, and gardening. The white man Garchomp will always be there to tear the Bastiodon a new one.

[Pikachu]

(continued from above)

Now, after teaching children that certain people are above others, either by genetics or by social typing, Pokemon teaches children about sex and reproduction. First of all, breeding requries a male and a female of similar species type. Breeding a horse and a duck, for instance, wouldn't work, after all. Also, note the necessity of one male, and one female. That's what it takes for parenthood, folks. Fuck the gays.

The Pokemon, while in the day care center (which is where they do the breeding and fucking) may or may not get along. The thing is, they still might fuck anyway. So players will often have the Pokemon do it until they produce a child that's worthy of being kept, then take the parents out of the day care, where chances are, they won't fuck ever again. This explains divorce. Two people who end up hating each other might just fuck and produce kids anyway, before getting a divorce. Love is not a requirement for sex. Very insightful lesson for all children from Nintendo here.

Furthermore, the undesirable children from this temporary marriage are used for other purposes. If they have just certain IV's that are good, they may be kept for breeding purposes, hoping that a new Pokemon is hatched inheriting the good traits from the parents as well as developing new ones of its own. Now we have explained eugenics to kids. If they're worthless, we might try to go online and scam other people into trading for our worthless garbage. What a parallel to human trafficking and slavery! Not to mention, the truly feeble ones are released nto the wild. Again, aborted.

At this point, the child has learned about eugenics, ethnic superiority, social glass ceilings, eugenics, abortion, and human trafficking through Pokemon. Damn.

It doesn't end here. The endgame that most people are familiar with is the Elite Four. The Elite Four is a group of jabronis that you can beat on over and over again to make your Pokemon stronger through experience, as well as build wealth upon. In real life, there are always a group of people you can exploit for your own benefit. The special case here is that this is the ELITE Four, so they're jabronis, but not really. They're like a puppet government. They're elite, but you are just exploiting them for gain, while allowing them to keep their status. You, the player, however, are the true elite. That's why they call you a champion.

Other life lessons include the Pokemon Contests, where Pokemon are judged by Cuteness, Beauty, Intelligence, Toughness, and Coolness. You have to exemplify one of these things in the respective contest to win, simple as such. I don't need to explain this one further, I feel, because if you don't possess any of these traits, it renders oneself as Annoying, Ugly, Stupid, Weak, and all around Uncool. If you're not with the In Group, you're one of "Them".

In short, Pokemon reveals itself as a truly educational experience to kids by creating its own microcosm of elitism, so as to let the insightful kids practice their own manipulation of social structures in play before applying it in the real world. I'm right because my IV's are high. Fuck you.